Thursday, January 31, 2008

Personal freakisms

So my sister called the day after my last post. I saw her name on caller ID and the conversation went something like this:


M: Hey Sis!

S: You are such a FREAK!! (laughing)

M: (laughing) Well, yeah, but what exactly are you referring to in this particular case?

Of course she was referring to the fact that I had such evolved and deep-rooted opinions about something as (perhaps from the outside) mundane and absurd as a breakfast sandwich. So much to the degree that I would write a huge blog entry about it; though isn't airing such opinions part of the point of starting a blog? Nonetheless, she is probably right:

I am a freak. You only need to get inside my head and you will know that she is right.

This particular scenario, however, highlights a belief which I have long held:

We are all freaks.

Each in our own special way.

Think about it:

What do you dream about? Do you dream that you are a lemming running towards the edge of a cliff while wearing a pink and green tutu?

What are the things that make you laugh when you are alone? Stepping on your pant leg and tripping into a wall in your own home and knocking yourself silly?

What do you daydream about? Taking such a warm, relaxing shower that you melt and get sucked down the drain?

Where does your rage go? Do you secretly imagine yourself ramming the erratic driver in front of you who is blocking your lane by driving under the speed limit with their head and hand fused by a cell phone?

What makes you secretly laugh at other people? Is it the professor who taught a whole evening of class with his shirt obviously tucked into his tighty-whiteys and the band sticking up higher than his pants waistband?

What totally wigs you out? Overgrown, dirty, nasty, and/or bitten fingernails and the thought that they might actually touch you?

What gave you years of nightmares as a kid? The thought of bugs in your ears a la Star Trek: Wrath of Khan?

What do you do while you are alone that you know would make someone else snicker? Do you dance and sing show tunes and made-up songs for your dogs?

We all have the secret lives of our mind and alone-ness where fact grows alongside fiction, running rampant in the fertile fields of our imaginations. Some of us just may indulge our imagination a little more than others. But this, I think, is part and parcel of what makes us beautiful individuals....and freaks.

Society couldn't (perhaps) handle all of our inner freakisms, nor perhaps could we handle exposing our freakishness to others. To do so would make us vulnerable in the most intense sense of the word. I would put forth, however, that it is the individuals (like me) who proudly vent a little of our inner freaks (and perhaps rant a little about our passion for breakfast sandwiches), that help make the internet and the world a more interesting place.

So. Wave those freak flags a little higher, folks, and see where your imagination takes you today.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

A Treatise on Breakfast Sandwiches

McMuffin McSchmuffin -- Ain't got nuthin' on me!

Due to the loss of a wrestling match between my body and gestational diabetes, I have had to revamp my diet a bit. Thus, the sad demise of most breakfast cereals as a part of my breakfast routine (the carbohydrates are in and out of my system faster than you can say greyhound). However, all is not loss. The ensuing reacquaintance with breakfast sandwiches a la dad-style (the high chef of egg-dom) has been a high point in my mornings. This reunion has been so intense an experience that lover-like (no, I'm not jumping on a couch), I must tell the world how they too can experience this wonderful, nay, sublime thing called breakfast sandwich.

For me, the sandwich consists of toast or english muffin (though bagels are also appropriate if carbs are not an issue), egg, ham, and cheddar cheese....of course a healthy dose of freshly cracked pepper and judicious use of salt are also appropriate.

To make a sublime sandwich:

First, plan portion size of ingredients to match your toast size -- we don't want naked toast edges. Then prep the stage by inserting toast item (I'll say english muffin) into toaster, but don't push the button until you are ready to start cooking the egg..after all, who wants cold toast?

Slice your cheese...thinnish, but not too thin, we like cheese (right Wallace?). The right idea is thin enough to melt up all gooey, but thick enough to get a really good cheesy taste.

Get your ham out and ready -- no fumbling whilst the egg overcooks and the toast gets cold or (gasp) too toasty. I use 3-4 slices of smoked ham lunch meat. Tip -- Land'o'Lakes is nice and thin and just about the right size to slightly overlap an english muffin (whole grain, of course).

Small frying pan on the stove with appropriate lubricant (I use margarine -- no trans or saturated fat) and whole egg or eggs at the ready.

Now the next step is up to you to know your toaster and stove. I have a slow toaster that requires 1.5 cycles to adequately toast my muffin and gas stove which cooks really fast. Therefore I start the toaster just before I put the heat to the pan, but if you have a fast toaster and slow electric range, you will have to adjust accordingly to get everything hot and ready at the same time...this is a skill that is useful to have in many aspects of daily life....hmmm. ;)

So, crack your egg into the hot pan. Try to keep the edges to roughly the same size as your toast item. Break the yolk, and season to taste (Jason likes Tony Chachere's Cajun Seasoning on his, but I'm a traditional salt and pepper gal). Now it's critical to not overcook your egg or my dad will turn over in the grave that he does not yet inhabit.

Once the egg has set on one side, turn over. Put cheese on cooked side of egg and cover with ham. Now I just wait about 30 seconds before killing the heat (your egg will continue to cook through the wonders of carry-over heat). Then after another 30 seconds or so, I flip the eggy bit back over onto the other side to warm the ham and finish melting the cheese.

When your toast is ready and the cheese is melty put it all together and experience your own love affair with the breakfast sandwich...though with the cheese properly melty, the ham and egg like to head their separate ways enroute to the toast item, but this disaster is easily averted by the forewarned and therefore forearmed.

Word to the wise -- you will need a napkin (or two). I said it was sublime not neat.

This creation is only limited by your pantry and imagination. If you are feeling Continental, you could use mozzarella and salame with a slice of tomato. All American today? Perhaps a little pepper jack and a sausage patty (though cook the sausage before beginning -- but be sure and fry that egg in the tasty fat!). Who's to say you couldn't do a little Wensleydale, eh Grommit? Perhaps with bacon, because of course everything is better with bacon.......mmmmm BACON......aghalaahgalgh.....

I'm interested to hear about your personal forays into the bright new world that is breakfast sandwich, but for now I hear my breakfast calling....

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Obligatory Introduction

My husband says I have to do one of these (obligatory introduction) if I am to have a I sit here with one of my dogs rubbing his face on my shoulder and sneezing wetly into my face. How nice.

Thus begins the documentation of my life. Inspired by friend's blogs and figuring that this is a good way to keep in touch, I have at last succumbed to the pull of the that thar computernet. My husband has two blogs, so I guess it's time for me to get with the program. Really, I could blame it on the remodeling that we are doing before the birth of our first child (10 more weeks and counting). The TV is buried in what is to be our daughter's room and I am bored to tears and going though veg-withdrawal. Our house is in chaos and I have frustrated nesting instincts. Hopefully we will get done with all of the house projects before the end of next month so that I can spend the last month of my pregnancy rolling around the house getting ready for the baby.

Gosh I sound whiny. Actually my life is pretty terrific and don't I know it. I have a fantastic husband, a long-awaited baby on the way (more on that later), two loyal (if slightly goofy) hounds, and a loving family...not to mention a great bunch of friends. Everything else is small stuff....way to pull it back into perspective, huh?

Here comes the dog (Bruiser) again to snuffle in my face. We have two retired racing greyhounds, Josie and Bruiser, who are litter mates and really great dogs. They are also very tall, so they can give wet-willies pretty much whenever they feel like it, though fortunately they don't do that very often. Anyhoo, I guess Bruiser probably wants something, so I had better go see what it is...probably wants to go outside and freeze off his nether parts...not that he really has much of that anymore...

So, thus begins the blog.