I am sitting here sequestered in the office, staring at my navel while Jason is vacuuming drywall dust from the rest of the house. No seriously. I'm waiting for the kid to kick and thinking about how things look different....way different. So here are a few of the thoughts that come out of staring at my navel.....I bet you were thinking that this post would be about lint, but ladies don't get lint in their navels, they get inspiration.
And to those of you (you know who you are) who are wondering why I am not helping my beloved husband, it is because I am trying to avoid having yet another bad asthma flare because the next one would probably end up with my on prednisone (an oral steroid). We are trying to avoid prednisone because then my gestational diabetes would probably go out of control to where I would have to use insulin, which is another whole level of pregnancy risk and we just don't want to go there.
Suffice to say, life has been a bit challenging lately. Last week was a series of events beginning with a head cold, the start (and today finish) of the drywall phase of reconstruction, asthma (from the construction dust combined with pregnancy) that wouldn't respond to my meds and landed us in the ever-fun realm of late-night health care, and a nasty tangle with some sort of GI bug that had me laid up for almost two days...that is after they ruled out pre-term labor and uterine infection.
Did I say that pregnancy is fun?
Cause if I did, then I was having a major case of preggo-brain....and I mean major.
On the upside, the highlight of the week was that I had a fabulous baby shower given for me by my wonderful friend Jodie who has been a major source of joy, encouragement, fun, and inspiration in my life. She is sensitive to the needs of others, gracious, and a fantastic mom. I feel like I learn so much about parenting and womanhood when I am around her...of course, she's probably turning very pink about now and feeling shy of the limelight, but I can't resist praising her beautiful character. Thank you, Jode.
My shower was on Sunday afternoon and Jason's parents were coming up in the morning to visit so that his Mom could go to the shower with me (it was a lot of fun to hang out with them and show off the changing landscapes of our house and my belly). Before they came, though, we had a couple errands to do. So in the process of erranding ( I won't bore you with the details, as I am wont to do), I realized that it was the day for my baby shower. Not someone else's shower, but MINE.
(Here's where I take off my glasses as my eyes mist up)
Our baby is about to arrive. We will hold her and care for her and love her always. But you know, I loved her before I ever knew anything about her. I loved the thought of her years ago when I kept asking Jason if the timing was right for a baby in our lives. I loved her when we finally started trying to conceive over two years ago. I loved her through months of frustration and disappointment. I loved her when we went on the first fertility drug. I loved her when we miscarried our first pregnancy. I loved her through the grieving process that came after the miscarriage, and I will always love the child that we never knew. I loved her when we added the second fertility drug. I loved her that Saturday morning when I peed on that stick and saw the faint second line that was the beginning of knowing her. I loved her when I peed on a second stick on Sunday just to make sure...you know how it goes.....you can never be too sure before getting crazy excited....
She has caused us a few scares already. Taxed my body and our marriage. Caused pain, suffering, and worry, but I still love her and can't wait to meet her. Kind of makes you think about the amazing love of our heavenly Father, doesn't it? How He loves us across time and space, even when we are not capable (or willing) to return His love.
But on Sunday, I was busy wondering who am I that I should have an amazing husband of almost six years who oddly enough, chose me to spend his life with. And here we are just a few scant weeks from holding our long-awaited, oft anticipated, but never overrated baby. I feel like I have just been slogging through a difficult pregnancy (though I don't think pregnancy is totally easy for any woman) with all the months of sickness and additional challenges, but the shower prompted me to suddenly look up and see the veritable light at the end of the tunnel. Our remodel isn't done, the nursery is packed full of furniture and stuff that belongs in the rest of the house, we still have painting and flooring to do before furnishing and moving stuff back into the space and starting to right our topsy-turvy world. I still don't feel great a good portion of the time, but you know, it doesn't really matter....I'm gonna have a baby.
So I sit here staring at my navel, wondering who that is inside. Knowing that rough times, a lot of adjustment, a lot of sleep deprivation, and joy are ahead. My world never being the same again.
I am stepping off a precipice that I can in no way ever truly prepare for, and I can hardly wait.
4 years ago